July 7, 2014




15 thoughts on “July 7, 2014

  1. After the 8th day of her “cleansing,” Tracy started hallucinating and hoped that if this experience meant ANYTHING to her, she would pick the PEAR when it was over…

  2. But the pear was mealy and the old Kit Kat was wormy – which reminded her that the bottle of tequila in the bottom of the file cabinet was never a bad choice.

  3. Desperately trying to remember his middle-school home ec course, Darren gathered the ingredients he needed to create a fine walnut finish before Sarah came home and saw damaged table.

  4. The pear needed something and that KitKat hiding in the back of her computer desk would be the perfect sauce after 15 or 20 seconds in the microwave.

  5. It would only take one swipe to impress either of her office crushes, Matt, the health nut, or Damian, the chocaholic.

  6. It was a word trick she liked to play, since a KitKat had two chocolate wafers, so either way she knew she could tell her annoying counselor she ate a ‘pair’ for a snack.

  7. Can you guess which one of these “treats” increases by 73% the odds that your house will get egged if you hand it out on Halloween?

  8. The odd-shaped poster, that would never uncrease, annoyed her because someone had the audacity to take a still-life photograph of an oh-so-perfect piece of chocolate next to fruit.

  9. The last time she tried the Chocolate and Fruit diet, she ended up in the hospital; still, it was the fastest way to lose 15 pounds in one week.

  10. Seven and a half months and 14 pounds later she still hadn’t needed the piece of emergency chocolate she kept with her at all times.

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